The Ruffian’s Prayer

From THE BLUE GOLEM. While Clay Golem is being interviewed by Proctor Lan Lupos to get a feeling for his mental state at the behest of the city’s High Council, six ruffians break into the cottage.

A silence followed the din and then the Proctor calmly interposed himself in the standoff. “Before we proceed any further, I’d like to pray,” and he lowered his eyes and clasped his hands in front of him.

The men looked at each other in confusion, apparently unsure how they should react in the face of a praying cleric.

I was amused. I followed the cleric’s lead and bowed my head for comic effect.

“Ancient Father, please prepare these men for the bounty for which they are about to receive. And do not hold their sins against them should they present themselves before you tonight at the sacred pools in your Holy Kingdom. And if they should decide to turn and depart, please bless them as they go in peace and hearty good health.” Lan took a deep breath. “And if they do not cleave to reason, please accept any fragments, entrails, or ruined organs which remain from the rough treatment they are about to receive. Amen.”

“Amen,” I said, and stood, my head stopping just short of the ceiling.

Five of them shrunk back just a bit, which was smart.

And then Vil yelled and rushed at me, swinging his chain. Which was not smart.

I ripped the chain out of Vil’s hand and pressed my bulky self forward. I bum-rushed the ruffians backwards out of the house. They backpedaled the entire way and tripped one by one over the threshold until all six were in a pile on the ground.  I pinned Vil to the ground with one large foot. To the others I said, “Verily, I say unto thee, SCRAM!”

They scrammed.